E-Mail Fun

What do you do when your trying to defeat a presidential candidate? For one thing, you sign up for his mailing list so you know what his rehtoric of the week will be. Even though the election is over and Johnny got trounced, he seems to be starting his 2008 campaign early. Here is his latest email to supporters with commentary from friend of mine (a really cool guy who leads moths to flames and lambs to slaughter in his spare time), in bold.

Dear Monica,

Nice to know you're on a first-name basis with the enemy....

I want to thank you personally for what you did in the election

If he only knew...

-- you rewrote the book on grassroots politics,

Ain't that a fact!

taking control of campaigns away from big donors.

Like George Soros and Michael Moore, for example?

No campaign will ever be the same.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. either....

You moved voters, helped hold George Bush accountable,

Well, yeah. But, it wasn't hard, since he has moral clarity and takes responsibility.

and countered the attacks from big news organizations such as Fox, Sinclair Broadcasting, and conservative talk radio.

Not to mention *burning* Dan Rather, CBS Broadcasting, the NYT, WaPo, ABC and Koppel, and NBC. We'd have taken care of liberal talk radio, but Air America only had what? Three stations? And none of them was really an issue. Al Franken? Oh, PUH-leeze!

And your efforts count now more than ever. Despite the words of cooperation and moderate sounding promises,

We'll deal with the moderation as soon as we can get a Supreme Court that isn't left-leaning. Give us time...

this administration is planning a right wing assault on values and ideals we hold most deeply.

You figured that out all by yourself? We don't really *like* communisism, socialism, or the "European model" of government. Which is why you lost. Outside of the minor detail that you lie like a Persian rug.

Healthy debate and diverse opinion are being eliminated from the State Department and CIA,

Pardon me? When did the CIA become a debating organization? They gather intelligence, you moron. And the State Department was littered with leftist leftovers from the Clinton administration. They were dead weight, anyway.

and the cabinet is being remade to rubber stamp policies

Similar to the way you rubber stamped the liberal agenda as the junior senator from Massachusetts for 20 years?

that will undermine Social Security, balloon the deficit, avoid real reforms in health care and education, weaken homeland security, and walk away from critical allies around the world.

Haven't you figured out that none of that is true? Except for the critical allies part. France is NOT our friend. Neither is Germany. Neither is Russia. Neither is Saudi Arabia. Nor Palestine. Nor Syria. Nor Iran. The list is rather long. They may be allies of YOURS, but most certainly NOT allies of the United States.

Regardless of the outcome of this election, once all the votes are counted -- and they will be counted

Hello? Earth to Kerry. They WERE counted. You lost. You lost HUGE. Big-time. Landslide.

-- we will continue to challenge this administration.

Well, yeah. Unpatriotic obstructionists have a long history of that sort of thing.

This is not a time for Democrats to retreat and accommodate extremists on critical principles -- it is a time to stand firm.

Now don't squirm while the concrete sets around your feet.

I will fight for a national standard for federal elections that has both transparency and accountability in our voting system. It's unacceptable in the United States that people still don't have full confidence in the integrity of the voting process.

It's even worse when the lack of confidence is caused by dead people, convicted murderers, and illegal aliens voting.

I ask you to join me in this cause.

I bet you do.

And we must fight not only against George Bush's extreme policies

Name one. Just one. Outside of favoring open borders. That's got to stop.

-- we must also uphold our own values.

Redistribution of wealth, tax-and-spend, "Work Will Set You Free"...

This is why on the first day Congress is in session next year, I will introduce a bill to provide every child in America with health insurance.

And how do you propose to PAY for that, Senator?

And, with your help, that legislation will be accompanied by the support of hundreds of thousands of Americans.

Yeah, well. I've got news for you. For every 100,000 you find to support it, a million will oppose it, once they see the cost and implementation of social medicine for their kids who are ALREADY insured.

There are more than eight million uninsured children in our nation.

That's a bogus number and you know it. If a kid is uninsured for ONE DAY, he counts as "uninsured" in that statistic. It doesn't matter that the other 364 days they WERE insured.

That's eight million reasons for us to stay together and fight for a new direction. It is a disgrace that in the wealthiest nation on earth, eight million children go without health insurance.

We are NOT the wealthiest nation on Earth. Actually, I think that title is held by Luxembourg (average salary of $53,780 per capita) Then Norway. Then Switzerland. THEN the US (about $35K per capita).

Normally, a member of the Senate will first approach other senators and ask them to co-sponsor a bill before it is introduced

That's the way it's worked for 225 years. You have a problem with that?

-- instead, I am turning to you.

Hello? You are a senator. From a small state. Before this election, NO one even knew who you were.

Imagine the power of a bill co-sponsored by hundreds of thousands of Americans being presented on the floor of the United States Senate.

Yeah, a bill to force you to sign the SF-180 would be pretty cool, doncha think?

You can make it happen. Sign our "Every Child Protected" pledge today and forward it to your family, friends, and neighbors:

Oh, fine. Spam my friends? I don't think so.

This is the beginning of a second term effort to hold the Bush administration accountable and to stand up and fight for our principles and our values.

Yo, haven't you been paying attention? We ARE fighting. There are kids who have more time in CHOW line in Iraq than you spent in Vietnam during your "two tours" of "duty".

They want you to disappear; they are counting on that.
Hardly. We tend to hold our friends real close, and our enemies closer.

I'm confident you will prove them wrong, and you will rewrite history again.

And I'm confident YOU will rewrite history. Again. Just like before. Remember Cambodia?

Here is what I want you to know. I understand the strength, commitment, and passion that are at the core of what we built together -- and I am determined to make our collective energy and organization a force to be reckoned with in the weeks and months ahead.

Dream on. What are you going to DO with a Lame Duck congress in a couple of months? Get over yourself!

Let's roll up our sleeves and get back to work for our country.

Speaking of rolling up your sleeves, can I see that war wound? Please?

Thank you,

John Kerry

What? No "F"? Where the heck did the "F" go? I knew JFK, and senator, YOU are no JFK.