Debate Summary, Kimmy Style

Okay, watching that debate and listening to Kerry's grandiose fantasies was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have given up alcoholic beverages for a period of fasting abstinence, so I couldn't even take the rough edge off.

I think I will write myself up for a medal.

Anyway here are my thoughts on the debate: Bush spent a frustrating 45 minutes trying to nail jello to the wall. Kerry was all over himself like cheap cologne on a male prostitute. "I am against the war, the war was a mistake, Saddam wasn't that bad, but Saddam was a threat and I will vigorously pursue terrorists in Iraq even though there are no terrorists in Iraq, they are ALL in Afghanistan. I support our troops and proved it by voting against body armor for them, but I now blame the President that humvees are not safe enough. Did I mention I saw combat over there somewhere, not Vietnam, don't say Vietnam. Something about subways and New York. The President doesn't include our allies in anything, and I will; my first step will be to pursue bi-lateral talks with N.Korea, shutting out China and Russia, thereby proving I am putty in Kim Jung Il's hands. This is how I will demonstrate my strength, and leadership; by irritating the leaders of Russia and China. Did I mention I saw combat in that other war? I will be strong and resolute in fighting terror, while making sure it passes the global test. Everyone in the world will love America more, because I will be the President and I have special powers that are a secret, but trust me, I have them. I have a special secret way to fight the war in Iraq which involves sealing the borders air tight and eliminating all terrorist activity in Fallujah, while simultaneously bringing home the troops. Did you know I was in combat? I will add two divisions to the Army, without instituting the draft. I will add millions of police to the streets, and you will get no tax cuts, but I will not raise taxes. I have a special plan to pay for this, but it is a secret. I am Kerry, the Great Karnack. I know all, see all, do all!"

You know, in my younger days I would have these guys hitting on me. Ladies, you know what I am talking about here. Frequently, these guys wanted to buy me a drink and tell me about their Navy SEAL days. Or how they were in the CIA. Or how they owned a multi-national company, and wanted me to accompany them to some tropical locale on their private jet.

Sitting there tonight listening to Kerry was like deja vu all over again. I expected John Kerry to walk into my living room, stand too close to me, and with his hot, putrid breath in my ear say, "Do you know I was one of the first senators to go to Russia after the fall of communism? You are really hot, and I am hoping you are too stupid to know that President Reagan had to fight leftist scum like me and my buddy Joe Biden hammer and tong to put in place the provisions that forced Gorby to cave."

Hey Kerry! I was too smart to fall for that BS then, and I am too smart now. Now step back before I pour my drink down your pants.

So what did we learn tonight? Nothing. But we saw for our own eyes a prime, Grade AAA example of grandiose, pathological lying that makes Kerry a credit to his profession: lawyer and professional, unregenerate politician.

So if I am ever facing a homicide rap, I am calling Kerry. However, what I am in the market for at this time is Commander in Chief and President of the United States.

And for that I need a strong leader, not a skilled debater.

No sale, Kerry. Now go home to your wife, and get your pretty little hand off my knee, before I break it off.

Originaly posted on Swift Vets and POWs for Truth Forum by Kimmymac.